RIP My Baby


This Saturday I took my cat into the vet to be put down. It was a long time coming and it took me a lot of back and forth emotions on the situation to finally go through with it. She has slipped a disk in her back months ago and ever since her health has been declining. The slipped disk caused her to not be able to use her back legs all that well. She could walk a little but mostly had to use more of her front arms to drag herself along. The vet put her on some steroids but they did not help all that much.
She held out pretty well during that time. She never lost her appetite....she always loved to eat her Fancy Feast. I was not sure if it was because she was to weak but she sometimes peed and pooed herself in her bed. This happened off and on but toward the end it was happening more frequently. That is one of the main reasons why I decided it was time to put her down. I know if I went to bathroom on myself I would not want to live that way.

I never noticed it until a week before the event but I think she might have lost her eye sight. I took her outside to enjoy the warm weather and I saw that her pupils never got small, even in the sun light. She also looked around like she did not know where she was. It was another sad sign that made me think it was time.

What i know for sure is that seeing my pet die was a very traumatic event. I don't think I will ever get that image of her slipping away out of my head. It was a very peaceful way to go...she pretty much fell asleep and drifted away. I Have not cried that hard in many years. My father and little brother went with me and stayed in the room as well as it all happened. I am 27 years old and I have never seen my father cry. I never knew he had that side to him. I was glad that they both came with me cause I was expecting to do it all alone.

I still get emotional when I think about it. My cat was about 16 years old, and she motley an out door cat. She defiantly lived a long life! I have never had to put any of my pets down before. All of them just ran away one day, so I never had to deal with they dieing. Maybe that is why this is so hard for me. I still feel guilty about making this decision. I always think maybe she still had another month or two....even one more week. I hope I made the right decision at the right time. I keep thinking that I need to feed her and change her litter box. I defiantly have a feeling that something is missing and that I am forgetting something every time I walk out the door.

I don't think I will ever get over this but I hope to someday move on.